Overcoming Self-Doubt with Buddhist Wisdom

I’ve been described as a pushover, someone who is weak and easily upset, someone who can’t cope with challenges. As someone who was bullied as a child, I have often found it hard to stand up for myself, and on hearing these words as an adult, I was taken back to being a helpless five-year-old again. But as I’ve been reviewing my training on yoga philosophy, something powerful stood out to me—the teaching of the two arrows in Buddhism for self-esteem. It’s a lesson I’ve returned to again and again, and it’s one that has empowered me in a very unique way.

Seeing Myself Clearly

I’ve never seen myself as a pushover. I am polite, I am kind, and I like to be helpful. In my mind, this equates to being a decent human being—the kind of person I would hope others would strive to be as well. But unfortunately, kindness and empathy are not always standard practice for many people. And that’s where my challenges begin.

Take the colleague who only talks and never listens—who treats you as an audience rather than an equal. Or the business owner who sends nasty messages after stalking you online because you chose to use a different service provider. These interactions left me feeling unworthy, invisible, and deeply hurt. This is when I thought to apply the lessons in the story of two arrows in Buddhism for self-esteem.

The First Arrow – Dealing with Rejection

Listening to someone else’s life and problems on repeat without ever being seen yourself is emotionally exhausting. It hurts to be left out. It hurts to not be asked how you are. These experiences sting deeply, and they should. That’s what Buddhist philosophy calls the first arrow—the initial pain caused by an external situation or person.

As social beings, we are wired for connection. When we feel rejected, it triggers a primal threat response. That emotional wound is the first arrow—something we have no control over. The pain is real, but it’s also part of the human experience.

The Second Arrow – The Stories we tell Ourselves

The real suffering, however, often comes from what happens next. According to the teaching of the two arrows in Buddhism, the second arrow is the one we fire at ourselves. It’s the story we tell ourselves about the pain—making it worse than it originally was.

The business owner’s message deeply affected me. I found myself wondering: What did I do wrong? Why are they treating me this way? How can I fix things? Maybe I’m just not a good person, and that’s why these things happen to me. My stomach churned as anger, shame, and self-doubt took over.

But eventually, I realised—I wasn’t reacting to the original message anymore. I was reacting to the narrative I had created around it. The first arrow may have hurt, but the second arrow—my own thoughts and self-criticism—caused far more damage. This insight changed everything.

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

These moments of self-inflicted suffering have been a pattern throughout my life. I’ve spent hours ruminating over conversations—both real and imagined—creating second, third, and even fourth arrows. My yoga philosophy training, especially the teachings on self-compassion and non-attachment, helped me recognise this pattern.

Through practices like mindfulness, yoga nidra, and meditation, I’ve learned how to witness my thoughts without becoming entangled in them. I now understand how Buddhist teachings on suffering, self-image, and ego can directly help manage negative self-talk and low self-worth.

From People-Pleaser to Empowered

Building self-esteem after childhood bullying isn’t easy. But sometimes kindness is mistaken for weakness. However the teachings of Buddhist and yoga philosophy offer an empowering lens through which we can begin to shift our mindset.

I’ve started to reclaim my narrative. I no longer see myself as someone who is weak—I see someone who chooses kindness over cruelty. Someone who sets boundaries without needing to explain. Someone who practices courage every day by showing up as their authentic self.

Healing Through Yoga and Buddhist Wisdom

The teaching of the two arrows in Buddhism has given me a powerful framework for emotional resilience. It reminds me that while I can’t control the first arrow, I can control how I respond to it. And by not firing that second arrow—by not internalising the pain as a reflection of my worth—I protect my peace.

If you’ve ever struggled with low self-esteem, toxic relationships, or the endless cycle of overthinking, I encourage you to explore the wisdom of yoga and the story of the two arrows in Buddhism for self-esteem. These practices have helped me manage my self-worth, stop people-pleasing, and cultivate deep, sustainable confidence. Here are some mantras that I have used which may help:

Feeling deeply brings strength.

Being kind is your soul’s true purpose.

You are worthy of love, respect, and compassion—especially from yourself.