Warning – Yoga is Dangerous!

This is a warning for all those beginning their yoga journey.  You really need to know this before you go any further.  I honestly wish that someone had taken the time to highlight to me how dangerous yoga can be, to all aspects of your life.  My hope is that I save some of you from the fate I now live with.

It all begins quite innocently enough. That once a week ‘yoga’ class at the local church hall or sports centre. But before you can say Adho Mukha Svanasana (downward dog in Sanskrit) you’ve invested in a yoga mat and find yourself researching non-see-through leggings. Almost overnight you have morphed into a ‘Yoga Person’ and are on the slippery slope towards enlightenment.

 

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Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog)

 

You Want More

The once a week yoga class now isn’t enough for you, and you find yourself visiting Yoga Studios across the area, trying a plethora of different styles and teachers. Now you’re Friday night glass of wine and Netflix has become an hour and a half of sweaty Ashtanga practice. What’s happening to you?

Before you know where you are, it’s happened. The 5.30am alarm wakes you, and you pull on your much loved yoga clothes to drag yourself to a 6am class in town, before braving the traffic and heading to work. This is when all hope is lost for you. It’s time to resign yourself to yoga and be done with it.

Kale

With all the focus on attending classes and Googling yoga clothes, you didn’t even notice the kale making its way into your diet. Green smoothies are filing the gap of Thornton’s mini-brownies. Oh you still want chocolate, but this voice in your head somehow convinces you that the smoothie will be best. After all you need the extra fuel and energy boost to keep you awake after that early class.

Delete Your Browser History

Soon your obsession has grown. Your diet is unrecognisable and your social life is attending class and enjoying a soya latte afterwards with your new Yoga Buddies. One day some new teacher guides the class into a brand-new-to-me-asana. Opening the doorway to a world of new poses for you to explore and search for on Instagram. Any free time you had is spent researching postures and contemplating doing a Teacher Training.

New You

Suddenly you don’t remember the last time you were up at 3.30am unable to sleep because of the thoughts racing around in your brain. The last bad headache you had is a distant memory, thanks to that magnesium spray and not eating so much chocolate. And, how did you manage to avoid that nasty cold making its way around the office? Come to think of it you’ve not had a sick day in quite a while. Is Homes Under the Hammer still on BBC in the morning?

It’s Not All About You

You’ve now amassed a collection of yoga props and clothes. You have hours and hours of classes under your belt and your goal in life is to feel that downward dog is a rest pose. You’re unrecognisable to the person who was coveting that Louis Vuitton handbag a few months ago. Besides what you’ve spent on yoga has a longer lasting effect than toting a bag worth 2 months salary!

Yoga isn’t just a nice wee stretch class. It can lead to very dangerous places like kale, selfless behaviour, focus on the immaterial and researching ways to recreate that yoga class feeling at home.

So be warned before you venture any further down this path. It has no end, and it will change you. For the better? Let’s just hope that Louis Vuitton don’t start making yoga mat bags!